An Untamed Perspective with Untapped Potential
“Introducing yourself to this cruel, judgmental world is terrifying to most, but empowering to me! I am not scared. I am prepared, I am surrounded by people who embrace my journey & encourage me to share my life to change the perspective of all who encounter me. What makes me different from every other person you are meeting in life?.... I have an untamed perspective with untapped potential and I am on a mission to share my perspective through my blog but hopefully it spirals into changing the perspective of the next generation. ”
If you recall, I did say reading my blog will give you more information than you want/need to know about me. Let me start with, I am not here doing this to call people out, help people do better, or even change perspectives. However, I can list people who have already heard my stories and have felt this way on several occasions. I haven’t even shared the most impactful moments with the world. I hate that we live in a world where I even have to start of with a disclosure of sorts… but we are amongst the weakest generations of existence in my opinion. So, push through the disclosure paragraph to get to what really, truly matters.
If how I choose to share my life offends you, I am NOT sorry. Why? Because if something you read on my blog “offends you” … that’s a you problem not a me problem. Again, why? Because the things I will talk about on my blog are facts and it is not my fault if you are too naïve or small-minded to wrap your head around life and how imperfect the picture has been painted for you to this point in your life. This is the space where I choose to tell my story. (Did you notice something there? … You are not mentioned. You are not a factor.) Instead of blaming me, attacking me, over “offending you” … remind yourself, how many times did you have to search and click to get into this specific blog post and why do you keep coming back if it’s offensive? It is important to tell you about myself in a realistic way. That introduction on my about me is great and all but it does not prepare you for reading my blog, at ALL! But, if you truly plan to follow my blog, who I am, and what kind of material you will read here… You need to know what you are getting into. This will give you a taste of what is to come, to help you decide if this may be material you would enjoy reading. I plan to deliver my blog just as if I were sitting next to you having a conversation. Which if you know me at all, that means improper, blunt to the point of hateful at times, perspective that backs up my opinion/view on the situation at hand, and most definitely I will have no problem making you extremely uncomfortable if that is what it takes for you to see what I see in you! Again, experience tells me that this will be a risk that is worth taking. Primarily, if you are looking for any of the following it’s time for you to bounce: proper grammar, someone to use “kind words” and be encouraging in a soft & gentle way (you let my picture fool you & have clearly never spent any time around me), someone who will “see the good in everyone”, someone who is helping others when they will not help themselves, or someone who views everyone as “equal.”
Now, if you didn’t tuck your tail and run… see if you can make it through the next part...
I believe whole-heartedly that the road to success is always under construction. I understand that life’s obstacles can become relentless. However, if you even for a second think about giving up .. you might need to read bits & pieces at a time or this may not be a place you are going to find comfort. I am past the point of providing comfort for people! I am demanding that you level up and do better for yourself, not for your family, not for your friends, not for your boss, not for your community… for you! And I am not going to talk about cute little puppies and rainbows here. I am going to talk about the nasty, RAW parts of life that make you stay awake wondering “what in the hell am I doing with my life? Why am I allowing these people to consume me? Why do I give to people who do not deserve me? When is the last time I truly did something that contributed to my personal success and goals?”
I am not opening up here for attention, I am right where I need to be. I am in the best place I have been in all my days of existence. I am the most confident, the most supported, and the most encouraged I have ever been in my life. I am looking to share with all of you all the places I have been and show you all the reasons I have had every single opportunity to lose hope, turn to drugs / alcohol abuse, and run from those who love me more than life. God only knows what other crutches out there I could have run to instead of standing up to this road I am on and owning every step of the way. My effort gets me all the attention I need. I have fallen in love with the process of becoming the incredible person I am today. Many of you reading this can tell me a million things you dislike about yourself but cannot name 3 things you love about yourself.
So, at this point I got you uncomfortable… I got you saying … Lady, we get it stop tooting your own horn. And I won’t & you’ll see why in due time. I have earned it! I fought for 9 months to keep my unborn child alive inside of me and then when I finally succeeded… I spent 9 years keeping her alive. Every single hour, I fought for her to live. When medical professionals said, she would not do this and couldn’t do that… I found a way. And when I say “found a way” .. that is an entire series of this journey that y’all aren’t ready for yet, but we will get there.
I am sure many of you found your way here through my photography and just know that I take incredible pictures from a perspective you have not quite experienced before. And maybe you were intrigued by the fact that typically .. a person does not do something like this with their whole heart without there being a good reason. Until now, I have not cared enough about opening up about my why, my who, my how, and my when…. Because all of that meant I had to be to a certain point in my healing process to be able to go back to that point in a healthy manner, share it with others, and continue on in this chapter of this story. But over the last six months, people have opened up about their stories that would have never been shared with me had I not opened up about a moment here or a moment there. When I tell you, the things people have shared has been so tremendously motivating to me and then there have been life events that have taken place all in the midst of this is just constantly reassuring me that now is the time to run with this!
If you are someone who doesn’t know Emma’s story, our family, our journey… that is going to be shared next week and then related to in every single thing you read from me because it’s who I am, and it is absolutely why Forever9 exists. But for shits & giggles, let’s do a little Q&A to get you familiar with who I am and what you should prepare yourself for…
Q: What brings me joy?
A: Helping people. Ope… allow me to explain. Being the support people need when they are going through a time when they deserve to have a supportive person who can bear the weight of the world if needed at a moment’s notice just to help make that person’s life a little bit easier. Cautiously avoiding people who are constantly using people like me for personal gain while I chose to put my personal gain on hold because you needed me…
Q: What makes me angry?
A: Well, I am a control freak… so umm … this list could go on for days. IF you are going to do something, especially if you offer to “help” …. For the love of God, could you do it right or just do not do it at all. (NEXT!)
Q; What disappoints me?
A: LIARS. Honestly…. (ANYONE WHO KNOW ME WILL VALIDATE THIS) I am absolutely the type of person who is going to ask you a question as a trap! IF I ask you a question there is a 95% chance, I already checked the situation out, gathered the necessary information to confront someone and then I will ask you to your face … knowing damn good and well that you are going to lie to me. I just want to see what kind of a person you are to lie right to my face and then THAT is all I need to know from you.
Q: What lights my fire?
A: Maddie and “my kids” …. There is a herd of children who I have bonded with that I take time out of every single day to talk to them and encourage them… or chew their ass if it’s necessary. Capturing moments of their life is important to me.. being who I needed as a teenager… is important to me.
Also, finally chasing our dreams with my incredible husband. See, most people get to do that from Day 1 of their marriage, but God had different plans for our story. So, we got a “late start on life” as we like to call it. When I go into detail in future posts you will see just how crazy life was to simply survive.
Q; What gets me out of bed in the morning?
A: Well, honestly our bed is getting pretty dated so it’s losing its comfort BUT my husband still uses a dinosaur alarm clock in which he insists on having on volume MAXXXXXXXXXXXX and he sleeps through it most mornings .. so THAT and unless one of you have some magical method to paying your bills (besides working your ass off from sunrise to sunset) I must get going early… and I am still gong ti be behind. But not because I wasn’t up in plenty of time, most likely it is because I was distracted but some tasks that carried over from the day before.
Q: What was the absolute best day of my life?
A: Becoming a mother was incredible, do not get me wrong… (I LOVE YOU GIRLS) but I fell in love with Kory when I was 15 years old… I used to sit in class, space out, and write “Mickayla McGovern” in a million different ways .. dreaming of the day I would marry my best friend… so the best day of my life… was October 11, 2008…the day I became Mrs. Mickayla McGovern.
Q: What was the absolute worst day of my life?
A: May 3, 2021 & May 8, 2021 are neck and neck for a tie… May 3, 2021 Emma left this world and headed on to Heaven. May 8, 2021 we celebrated her life and buried her body along with a piece of everyone who knew and loved her. No one was ever the same after that day.
Q: What are my beliefs about myself?
A: …. I hate talking about myself, this is exhausting.
I believe that God created me unlike anyone else. Honestly, he gave me fingerprints that no one else has -- which makes me pretty damn special, am I right? (okay… I’m being a smartass, but this question is a skosh dumb) I believe that I am not everyone’s “cup of tea” ... but those people drink unsweet tea which is like brown water… so, I am not too concerned. (fun fact: my husband drinks unsweet tea)… I am just becoming very bored answering questions about myself. And whoever is still reading this… for goodness sakes, do you have an idea of who I am yet.…
I am just a random gal, with a filthy mouth in her mid-30’s who either loves you or hates you. I do not respect people who do not respect themselves. I demand respect & self-discipline. I will not allow your toxic behavior to hinder my growth or my success. I have established healthy boundaries in my life from toxic people and I am so incredibly proud of myself for doing that! I know my worth and I will not settle. I have a competitive soul and I do not like to sit still. I do not intentionally hurt feelings, but I will not sugar coat a single thing that comes out of my mouth even if you are having the absolute worst day of your life!! I refuse to be mediocre at anything I do. If I participated, you will know I was involved not because I brag or demand credit for my participation but because whatever it was, it was memorable and it was successful… now that doesn’t mean it was a winner or that we placed first. It means that we did our best, we learned from it, and we developed a strategy to succeed the next time any of us were faced with a task. I am a leader and I live my life in high gear.
Now, it’s important that you know I Love Jesus but I cuss a lottle ([a combination of a little and a lot] not a typo, I’m trying to be as honest as possible and while controlled when necessary most days I have a filthy mouth) … So, when my emotions fluctuate and I drop the F bomb or get a little foul mouthed and that offends you.. Respectfully … take your weak ass elsewhere, you don’t belong here, and I have wasted enough time on people like you. Also, if you can’t handle reading foul language here and there, you sure the hell can’t handle my story. We were all put on this earth for a purpose. I do believe, God wrote our story out before we were even created. I have numerous stories that I can validate why I feel this way and I am sure I will eventually share many of them with you through this blog. I believe that where you are right now is where you are meant to be. Whether that is a job, a relationship, or some conflict. Our current situations, the day-to-day life experiences, that is the journey, not your destination. Many times, people act so disappointed that they are not where other people their age are at. We are not a batch of cookies folks, God didn’t whip us all up in a batch, throw us on a cookie sheet, preheat that oven for 325 degrees, and throw us in the oven until golden brown.
Previously, I mentioned some points of things you will not find here. If you have made it this far allow me to explain, (while I understand the importance of making yourself seem reputable & respected as well as educated… let us think back to the teacher you had that was the most influential/ had the greatest impact on your life) … … you ever hear them cuss? What was so memorable? How exactly did they get your attention and leave such an influential memory on your life? ….. I bet they used kind words, proper grammar, and told you exactly what you wanted to hear -at all the right times to mold you into this super,perfect human you are …………ALRIGHT —— cut the BS! We both know the most influential people in your life (if you have amounted to anything at all) …… are the first people to hurt your feelings so bad it scarred you for life. (I am talking PTSD when you hear their name but then instantly you are humbled by the fact that you can name so many people who needed a little more of that kind of person in their life and they would not be the mediocre person they are today)
Until you realize that if you genuinely want to do better in life, like if you truly want to chase your dreams and crush your goals, you must be ok with the fact that you are not going to have a huge support group around you! Your friend group will change or at the very least shift directions and some with get left behind. I cannot understand why this is so shocking to people!! When people do not want to change and would rather play the victim card (because that is SO MUCH EASIER) they remove themselves from your life because they are intimidated by your discipline & expectations. Most people settle for average! And guess what? If YOU do not drop down to THEIR level… There is ABSOLUTELY going to be conflict! Why? Why can’t they just be happy for me?... This is where you folks who say… “we are all equal.” (Y’all done lost your damn mind! We are not all equal… and if you want to interpret that as ‘she thinks she’s better than me’ please do so… because odds are I can provide facts to support that statement if that’s how you chose to interpret that.) I’ll tell you why they aren’t happy for you… Why they will not encourage you…Why they pull away when you are succeeding and crushing those goals… BECAUSE IT REMINDS THEM THAT THEY GAVE UP ON THEIR GOALS! YOU REMIND THEM THAT THEY SETTLED FOR AVERAGE AND ARE NOW LOSING INCREDIBLE, EMPOWERING PEOPLE LIKE YOU!!! Now, here is where you need to reference your experiences with narcissism ... hear me out! Because everyone reading this has dealt with a situation that this information is going to relate too… Most people give up, not because they “can’t make it,” “cannot afford it,” “didn’t have the same opportunities with someone with a big name in the community” … blah blah blah… None of this is true… it’s not because they are not just as capable as the friend who is succeeding… They give up because they are SURROUNDED BY THESE PEOPLE WHO SETTLED FOR AVERAGE! When you are surrounded by average people who are satisfied with the life they live, and they are content… People like this do not want to see you succeed because THAT WILL REMIND THEM THAT THEY DIDN’T! But they will not admit that… (you are dealing with cowards) … Lower your expectations in these situations! They will not admit they do not like seeing you succeed because your success intimidates them. These are often the people who bully people into getting their way... often people who their parents are still taking care of them to this day… You are not going to get these people to admit that your success has nothing to do with why they feel so uncomfortable around you. If they truly had to admit that your success and your work ethic along with your discipline and self-expectations … makes them feel insufficient, hopeless, lazy, less than average, and at times a failure. (Oh, do not worry remember how this started… we are not dealing with people who take responsibility for their actions in these situations.) I told you to lower your expectations, what you WILL SEE from these people:
“you’ve changed” …
“We used to be really close, but she changed” …
“People think she is so incredible, but they don’t even know her” …
Folks, successful people NEVER STOP CHANGING! Standing still, being the same person with the same goals for 10, 15, 20 years… that’s why y’all cannot find happiness, that’s why you don’t stick to your goals, (please know I laughed out loud at this part) … THAT’S WHY YOU SEE SO MUCH CHANGE IN ME! The things you see in my world, they do not exist in yours… DISCIPLINE, SELF-WORTH, RESPECT, AND HEALTHY BOUNDARIES … these are especially important first steps to build success in your day, your week, your life! So, get up and stop blaming the people working their asses off for YOUR LACK OF DISCIPLINE which has caused a SPIRAL OF CONSEQUENCES from your OWN ACTIONS to EXPLODE IN YOUR DAILY LIFE! These people who hold others back from reaching their goals & chasing their dreams… typically are in the same place in life when you meet back up in 15-20 years. They will not change … you cannot be “what they need”, you cannot “be the positive example that changes the world” …
What you can do is set your boundaries… set your expectations and you will meet people on your level. You will soon find that there are likeminded people out there who want to keep being different. Keep crushing goals and holding each other accountable in a healthy, blunt, and successful way! The other day I heard someone say… “Big dreams scare small minds.” As you have gathered, I am very blunt. My views & my sharp statements can cause discomfort. I am not for everyone! My presence intimidates at times, and I do not apologize for it. I know that I am a different breed of human, and I am not ashamed of it. I know I have not walked through this journey to be mediocre. I also know there is a distinct group of people who can manage/embrace/enjoy my company. For me, the difference with me lies in my desire. The difference in me is in all my daily sacrifices. When people say your story cannot impact people and it cannot be a part of your success. Being vulnerable and opening up like this takes an insane amount of strength... When people say things like what you are trying to do is unrealistic, know that is the talk of small-minded people with no ambition. People like me, who set out on these journeys do not care about the opinions of small-minded people. I have allowed people to take advantage of me and I have put myself last too many times. That stopped the day I decided to start Forever9 and when I tell you my life has changed so much in those few short months… that may be the understatement of the year!
As humans, we have created “normal” and as a society we latch onto it because it makes us feel like we have “achieved” and “arrived” at an expected level. This is so sad!! To live in a world where people set aside their own goals and passions to be like someone else because their life looks comfortable and successful from the outside. One thing I can guarantee you will read from me is embracing the trials and tribulations you have been through this far in life is powerful and brave! Why… because the more you talk about who you are and why you respond the way you do… What experiences got you to where you are today… the more you will impact people on a level that will FOREVER change their lives. I don’t care if I am the person who made you angry enough to want to do better… even if you make me out to be the villain in your version of some fabricated story, I still win because you became a better version of yourself than the person you were when you first met me!
That is the impact you will hear about from people who truly know me and my story. Whether you want to acknowledge that I cared enough to be that person for you and force you into an uncomfortable state to start making changes or not, it is still a win for me.
Never underestimate the power of my perspective or the purpose behind anything I do in life.
I pray that you never walk the path I walk daily. I pray you never feel the pain of losing a child.
This is how vulnerable I am willing to be to force people to see what is truly important in life and why I do what I do.
I will forever be grateful Sami asked Brian to photograph Emma’s services. As you can imagine, we were in a state of complete shock and most of this is just a blur. Our family is very, very good at survival mode.
This Photograph was captured By Brian DeLoche.
May 8, 2021 Emma’s Funeral
Buckle Up & God Bless,
